Gradual Fading.

Now, To sound like a love sick teenager! :P
I deactivated my Facebook account. I don't know if i should be liberated or not? But I figured that it is for the best. Right?

Vague. No?

I wish I could, with exact words describe the importance and significance of the thoughts that has been lingering in my mind. I wish I could spend each day writing about my life. But, most events seems so irrelevant and insignificant that I could not care less if it were unwritten. These events I feel, too shall pass with little remembrance. Deserting what seems to be the most important matter in my life right now, is what I shall do and try to achieve. I have so much time to accomplish it. I know it is possible. It always was and always will be.

Unsettling

Do you know that feeling? In your gut. The feeling like you're too full. The lack of apparent hunger. Yes, that feeling. Tell me what it means. I can't remember the last time I felt like that. Unsettling.

For you. Just for you.

Somehow, today was a sobering day for me.
I asked myself questions that I have avoided for so very long.
Maybe, love, it's the weather. Maybe, it's the smell in the air.
Remember how it smelt like on those long nights that we had?
I wish we took walks, I wish we were normal.
but what do you define as normal?
Do me a favour. Don't find me. Don't look for me.
Give me a chance to forget who you were and let you go.
Have you moved on? You're strange. You made it seem that you forgot about me.
Then later, reminded me that you lived for me. All the way from there.
You left me behind. Then told me you're living thinking about me?
You told me you loved your girlfriend but you can't be with her anymore.
Because you wanted someone else. Who is she?
Sometimes, I'm wondering. Am I on your mind?
Do you think about me? Do you even think about me?
I won't take the blame. I won't blame anyone.
I just know that I miss you right now.

You asked me before why I missed you. Let me tell you why now.
Because you were a good friend. You were there when I needed someone.
You helped me to stand on my own. Then gave me independence.
That's why I miss you.

I just never wanted to tell you. But I think it's time for you to know.

what ifs and debates concerning it.

Today, something hit me. Well, it actually has been in the bag for a very long time. I didn't want to acknowledge it. Because a part of me actually forgotten about it. What if, you realised that your love now, was never your first love? That you never did forget that one man, who rocked your world to the core but you did not make it with him. What if a part of you is still longing for that man? What if a part of you is still wondering what if... mine is a story too long to tell, too far gone to remember, too sad to think about. Maybe it's settling down in a new place. Maybe its the sudden loneliness you feel from the distance from those close to home. Maybe its just the past haunting you again.
What difference would it make?
What if you realised that you never got over him? that 1 year was not enough? that he was the one very guy who influenced your other relationships. what if it was like that? what would you do?

A little too late.

At times like these, I ask myself. “What if…” It really got me thinking. “What if…” I’d like to leave the past behind and move on, but somehow I can’t. You keep resurfacing and haunting me. Why does this keep happening when the night is cool and peaceful?

Feeling things that I have never thought I’d feel.

Sacrificing things that I never knew I would.

All because I keep seeing you everywhere. As if you never left. As if you never walk away. All because you did not say goodbye. You think it’s best for me to move on, but what lasted for a short sweet time was better than Pina Colada in the summers. Those times were like drugs. Tasted like love, sweet passionate love.

You taught me so many things, like how to be a girl. How to treat a man right. How to be myself and be kind, how to be gentle, how to be a great person. You taught me what it means to be lonely, and most importantly you taught me how and who to love.

It just took so much time for me to understand these lessons with so many repeated mistakes. Too many mistakes. You showed and taught me things that others would not take the time to.

So I thank you for leaving me, teaching me, for a brief period loving me, caring for me, picking me up and showing me the way. Thanks for sobering me up.

Thank you. Zain, thank you.

Food for thought

1. Those who fall in love easily, do they fall out of it just as easily?
2. Do our subconscious communicate via dreams?
3. Is intimacy the key to the beginning of a relationship?
4. Does understanding get us anywhere really?
5. Does being an anomaly make you any different?
6. If everyone is special, who IS truly special?
7. Is true forgiveness achievable?
8. Is nightmares a way to communicate fear?
9. Is the known scarier or the unknown?
10. Do you think we’re the only living beings in the universe?
11. Experience, does it make us any wiser?
12. Is it half empty or half full?
13. Where did ‘idealism’ come from?
14. What if we were really alone in the universe?
15. Are you afraid right now?